Learn From It

“Lay a firm foundation with the bricks that others throw at you.” –David Brinkley

Not all tears are created equal. Some tears grow so large and hold so much sorrow that, when they are shed, they seem to wash away all we previously knew. These tears leave behind chasms filled with self-doubt and uncertainty, which cannot be filled. Instead, we are left struggling to reshape ourselves, and our world, into something that makes sense again. The result, for better or for worse, is a new self.

When I was fifteen, I shed such tears. The first boy I ever loved had broken my heart. Now, of course, we all know this is not the end of the world. We all get our hearts broken, usually more than once, and almost always by the boys (or girls) we loved when we were fifteen. But during this time, as I lay on the bed sobbing, my head in my mother’s lap as if I were a baby again, my mother told me something I have never forgotten. “There comes a time in all of our lives,” she said, “when something completely throws us for a loop. I know it hurts, but don’t let it break you. Learn from this.” Learn from this. And so I did. Of course it was hard, as all lost loves are, but it was a learning experience that helped to shaped the woman I am today.

There was, however, one small problem with the advice my mother gave me. The problem was, my friends, a lack of plurality. My mother said, “a time in all of our lives,” not “so many times that you will have no other choice but to analyze the linguistics of this advice in a last-ditch effort to make sense of it all”. When this advice was first bestowed upon me, I took it to mean that my fifteen-year-old heartbreak was it. Fabulous! I had done it. The bad bits were out of the way and now all that was ahead was sunshine, rainbows, and a young woman who knew exactly who she was and what was ahead of her. Of course, I know now that I was a moron.

Throughout my life I have faced changes, heartbreaks, and tribulations I never imagined I would face. Luckily, I am only in my twenties, so I am certain to have plenty of shit ahead. And those loops my mother spoke of? Well, this year has been filled with them. So, the way I see it, I only have one option- Learn from it.  The bad news? My troubles are nowhere near over. I am sure that my future holds plenty more of those self-altering tears, as do all of yours (don’t shoot the messenger). The good news? For every tear that wears away at our self-assurance, we are left with one more chance to reshape ourselves and our lives.  Every time we lose a bit ourselves, we replace it with a newer, smarter bit. A bit that knows more about the world. A bit that can better handle the bricks that are thrown. A bit that, let’s face it, we can only hope will do less stupid stuff than the previous bit did.  All we have to do is let it go and learn from it.